How Much Are Steinway Pianos? 2 different answers!

Boring answer: A new Steinway Model D costs £156,000

The less boring answer follows (and none of this is serious, I’m just riffing around to fill the page with content so that I can hopefully rank #1 on Google for “How Much Are Steinway Pianos” and then I can slap a massive Google Ad at the top and watch the cheques roll in)

Anyway, on with the show!

You can’t afford a Steinway.

I know it. You know it

How did I know that you can’t afford a Steinway? Because nobody who can afford a Steinway, Google’s “How Much are Steinway pianos?” and ends up on this page. Nobody. We only have commoners on this page, baby, and you’re one of ‘em! Don’t believe me? Just check your bank balance!

Do you think a rich person sees my cheppy little home-brewed website and stays for more than a second? No, they bounce right back to Google and look for a more polished website to match their polished teeth!

In fact, people who buy Steinway pianos don’t even buy it themselves. Instead, they commission their PA to “put a nice piano in the hall” and then 6 months later, on an idle Tuesday at 2pm, it turns up, and they say “Oh, the piano’s arrived, does it need plugging in or is this it?”

They don’t ask the price, they don’t hear about the price. They don’t even check the bank account to see how much of a dent it made. It all goes on credit and their credit is cleared every month by their dividends payments from their shares in CIGARETTE COMPANIES NOOOOOOOOOOO! But they don’t tell their friends about that, oh no, that would be bad for their social credit. Instead, they refer to “niche ETFs” in the “emerging markets” quickly followed by “and we’ve still got all of our Bitcoin from 2002 which is doing OK at last!” and before you know it they’re back on safe ground talking about Elon Musk and how it’s so unfortunate that his autism keeps making him look like an actual Nazi.

Will they play it? No

Will they keep it in tune? Yes

Will their concert pianist friend play it when he visit? No, he will resent the assumption that he should give a free recital just because someone bought a Steinway for their hallway. It will irk the host and they will quietly take him to one side and ask if he’d be so kind as to put the piano through its paces before the guests leave. He will then oblige, of course, but he won’t take requests and won’t play anything too flashy. Just enough to keep their generous donations coming into the conservatoire he founded and which he receives £12,000 per term for each of their 3 children who attend.

Will it increase in value? No, just like every new item, it will plummet rapidly at first, and more gradually later when it is sold for an incredible loss as the estate is split during the divorce – the bitcoin will be dealt with separately, informally, nobody needs to know about those assets, darling, I’ll make sure you get your fair share once this is all resolved, don’t worry, my love.

And so it ends up back on the market, a 20-year-old Steinway, 1 careful lady owner, barely played. At this point it finally has a chance of being used for its intended purpose. It falls into the budget of high end recording studios or prestigious music schools who are always looking to expand their fleet by snapping up liquidised Steinways in this way.

And now, dear folks, it’s 2am and I must sleep.

I wrote this article on 7th July 2025 as an experiment to see if Google will rank this article for the phrase “How much are Stienway pianos?”. Did the experiment work? How does it rank today? Email me and let me know. hello@markgoodwinpianos.co.uk